Yesterday, I started a blog post about the difficulties I’ve been facing recently. I decided that I was tired of telling stories that somehow tied up nice and neat and made it sound like even though such-and-such a challenge came along, I learned such-and-such from it and everything was smoothly and beautifully redeemed. Now, that’s not to say that brokenness isn’t redeemed, or that we shouldn’t express our experiences of healing. I was just desperate to communicate that sometimes, hurts keep on hurting even when we can see their purpose. And sometimes, we don’t get to see their purpose at all. Sometimes, hurts and doubts and fears and brokenness drag on, like a small pounding in your head that is still there, even after all the tears have been cried and all the prayers have been prayed.
That’s the kind of story I set out to share. Then, just as the words were starting to flow, I had the sudden urge to turn the page in my notebook and make a list of everything I have been thankful for in the last couple of days and weeks. So I did.
Making that list did not cease that small pounding. It did not heal my brokenness or cast out my fears and doubts. It did not tie a nice little bow at the end of my story of hurt.
It did, however, point me back to the importance of gratitude. It reminded me that when I am having the most trouble seeing and experiencing God, gratitude can be the strongest lifeline. Though it may not calm the storm, it can provide an anchor in the midst of the wind and rain.
So, instead of sharing the story of my recent struggles, I am going to share my list of recent graces.
My struggles are still very much present. My hope is that I can learn how to practice gratitude in the midst of struggle, when I don’t feel like the problems are resolved, and when I don’t particularly feel like being grateful.
Recently, I have been grateful for…
- hugs and high-fives from awesome kids
- rare and sacred quiet time
- sunny, 80-degree weather in November
- a chance to catch up on letter-writing
- holding a neighbor’s adorable kitten
- extra sleep and time to rest
- laugh-so-hard-you-cry (or start hiccuping) moments with dear friends
- difficult but important opportunities to learn from people who see things differently
- fears and tears shared on a bedroom floor
- a beautiful meal and quality time shared with three generations of strong, loving women
- strangers becoming family
What small graces can you find in the midst of your hurt?
